Change

Change

By: Erin

I run from you 

As fast as my legs will go

One two one two one two

Terrified as my heart beats fast

I attempt to make a deal with God

“Please don’t make me”

“I’ll be good”

“Give me this, just this… please”

Tears fall 

Destructive thoughts intrude

Making me feel small

Stomach Sick

Chest tight

Panic makes my breath quick

A whispering voice finds my ear

 That only I can hear

“My precious child, I hold you tight – know in my will you are held upright, 

You need not be afraid to lose what I have given you

For I will give you what you need each night

In life many things change and morph, all except that I’ll be with you each day through

Through the pain and sorrow

Through the fear and shame

Through the joy and laughter

Through the love and gain

It is true that you love me and I love you

And I am always here for you to turn to.”

My body relaxes as I rest in His arms

Knowing I’m safe tonight

And in the Lord I shall always find relief and light

I need not run from the change ahead
People coming - People leaving
New places and experiences
Because I hold on to those words whispered and said

What Recovery Is

     Recovery is……

Taking it one minute at a time. Closing your eyes and breathing deeply. Resting when you want to keep going. Eating three meals each and every day. Opening your mouth and saying “I’m not okay today.” Saying “No” when you it gets to be too much. Asking for help. Believing tomorrow holds something better. Pushing yourself not to be faster, smarter, or better looking, no pushing yourself to be healthier. Giving up former dreams that made you sick – which gives you room to find out what makes you strong.

     Recovery is…..

Learning how to be in healthy relationships. Learning to honor your needs, acknowledge theirs, and know that relationships are things you cannot control. It is making a commitment to be honest and true to yourself first – your heart. Working to rectify those broken ties along the path of the illness and destruction.

    Recovery is….

Different for everyone. Never ending. A journey that morphs as you change and grow. It is challenging. Sometimes filled with dark – other times filled with light and excitement. Ever changing.

     Recovery is….

The hardest thing I’ve ever worked on. The most rewarding. Life-saving. The most exhausting. The most exciting. The most tiring. The most aggravating. The most frustrating. It is my primary job. It makes my future possible.

     Recovery….

Takes time. Takes energy. Takes focus. Takes determination. Takes strength. Takes faith. Takes support. Takes commitment. Takes love.

     Recovery….

Is how I live myself and what I have witnessed in others. It’s a battle in and of ourselves. Recovery made it possible for me to keep going to college, restore friendships, love others, inch my body toward health.

Recovery is hard. Recovery is painful. Recovery is frustrating to no end.

AND

Recovery is Beautiful.