I am Overwhelmed
By: Erin
I am overwhelmed
I cannot do anything right
I cannot say anything right
I am not good enough it seems
To fulfill anyone’s expectations or dreams
So this is what I hear
You are negative
You are overbearing
You are stressful
You are criticizing
You are weak; not ready
You are incapable
In my own brain this means
You are bad
You are unworthy
You are broken
You are disliked
I don’t know who to be, to fix everything I have done wrong these past few days
People are saying things in all different ways
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
“I AM SORRY FOR THIS AND FOR EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD TOO”
But even apologies haven gotten me nowhere with you
At this point I do not know what to do
I try to do my best; to help; to work for something good
And I have felt really misunderstood
I don’t know – do I back down, walk away from all this frustrating stuff
OR
Do I suck it up, be who I am, go for what I believe in – even though it will be tough?
I hope I am not a horrible person
I hope I don’t come across as awful as I’ve been made to feel
My treatment team says:
These are the types of relationships I need to learn to navigate and deal
I am not perfect
I am not wonderful or great
But I have been feeling a lot of stress and hate
From all different angles
All different places and spaces
I guess it’s about time Erin embraces:
Relationships are hard
Difficult
Complicated
Multidimensional
Not always about me
Annoying
Frustrating
Hurtful
Exhausting
Overwhelming
And
100%
Worth it
