What Helps Me.

Jesus
I will openly admit that I forget (often) how important being immersed in Christ, his word, and his community is. I feel stronger, more able to fight temptation and battle, more joyful, and more willing to share my experience with others when I am connected with Christ. He created my life, then saved it. I can at least dedicate myself to getting to know Him better. [accountability welcome ha].

Girls in my first real bible study -- looking fly -- love you girls!


Keeping my bed for Sleeping ONLY
I'm notorious for reading in my bed, watching TV in my bed, being on my computer, talking on the phone in my bed... studying... yeah pretty much anything.
People have told me to keep my bed for sleeping ONLY before -- I just didn't listen.
Now that I've decided to listen - I've realized it actually helps - Imagine that!
Give it a try!

(My bed when I lived in a dorm freshman year!)


Have Goals
I'm a pretty driven person (both as something good, and to detriment to my health at times). But I've found it really helpful at times to feel like I am moving toward something solid. So often when I'm struggling I get so lost in the struggle, and having a goal (however small) can help pull me out of that a little. Here are some of my goals I'm working on right now -- the list will of course mold and change as I do :)


1) Finish all classes Spring Semester 2012
2) Read a difficult letter to someone
3) Write down who I am as a child of God
4) Develop a healthy exercise routine
5) Everyday reflect on the fact that everything I'm going through Jesus has experienced times a billion and He is my greatest support, my greatest cheerleader, and my best friend.







Make things Special 

This is something my English teacher told me my senior year of high school after she found out about my eating disorder. She told me that when I do things to do things with great intention. For instance... if I'm going to read Harry Potter (one of my favorite books) take a shower first, put on my favorite lotion, make some hot tea and set the lighting just right. -- Have a special moment with just you, to LOVE on yourself.  You deserve to make your moments special! I never forget her telling me that -- and I appreciate it SO much.

Making ordinary moments special makes me feel good, calm, relaxed and loved -- which definitely helps me on my journey to recovery. 

DBT
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy


I would kiss the person that came up with this form of therapy if I could. DBT is skills based. It gives you something to work with, something to try, something to move forward with... something to take home once you leave your therapists office -- and for me it has been HUGE in my recovery. I've been working with talk  talk therapy and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) for a while, and I a still am - but coupled with DBT I am doing MUCH better. WOOOO!!!!

The places that you know are going to be challenging.... put little reminders. Because of the nature of my eating disorder the bathroom was/is one of my battle grounds... So I put a little reminder right there. Try it!

My sign in the bathroom.... Always a nice reminder!

HUGS!
 

and

My Non-Negotiable(s) 

My current therapist and I have developed many things in my life that we've realized are "non-negotiable" to my well-being. These are things that I MUST do everyday to promote wellness and keep me out of crisis. To be honest I don't do them perfectly all the time. Sometimes my defiant side comes out and says "screw this" but I do know that without a doubt when I do my "non-negotiables" I'm on the road to recovery!!


Here are mine:

• Eat at least 3 meals per day
• NO binge/purge behavior
• Take all medication as prescribed
• Sleep 8-9 hours
• NO alcohol
• NO eating in secret
• Time with Jesus!   

I wear a yellow bracelet
My uncle sent me a yellow rubber bracelet that says "believe" when I was in treatment this summer.
I have not taken that bracelet off since he sent it to me. For me it serves as another reminder in my life to choose health and life. It reminds me that others believe in me, and that I too can believe in myself. It's kind of too like a little secret security blanket I wear constantly. Will I wear it forever? Probably not. I hope that one day I won't need to wear a bracelet reminding me to believe recovery is possible, or that others think I can do it or even that I can believe in myself. But right now it helps....

MEDDSS

M.E.D.D.S.S. is an acronym that is a DBT skill which is a type of therapy used to treat people with mental illness.

• M - Mastery over a daily task -- this is something you're good at!
• E - Exercise (healthy) -- for me this is 30mins [but only if I was able to eat 3 meals!] And I try to do a variety of tings instead of the same thing every day!
• D - Diet (nutrition) -- for me this is 3 meals every day! to take care of my body!
• D - Drugs (prescriptions) -- take all medication as prescribed
• S - Sleep -- get the right amount of sleep that your body needs
• S - Spirituality -- Spend time with Jesus! 

* At the end of every day I write down what I did for each of the letters above. Then I rate my day on a scale from 1 to 10. This helps me to notice patterns between my mood and what is going on in my day.

*My Pill Box*
Because of my diagnoses I have to take some daily medication, for my mood, my body, and in order for me to sleep the right amount on a consistent basis. This can be a hassle -- but really it's a blessing, because if I didn't have these medications I would not be able to function as well as I can.


My pill box makes it easier for me to
*Take my medication when I'm in a rush
 *Keep track of my medications
*Remember to take my medications
*Notice when I need to head to the pharmacy before it's a rush


It's a really awesome tool.
I think mine only cost me 7.00 or 8.00 dollars about a year ago
If you struggle with managing your medications -- give it a try!

Beautiful Memories

I think it's common for a lot of people to have bad memories weigh more in their brains than good memories.  Its hard because those bad memories can sometimes take over your thoughts and send you into a crisis themselves. So right now I'm working on giving more weight to my good memories. This is how I'm doing it:


I bought a journal specifically for good memories, and every day I write a good memory in it. It could be something little or something big but it has to be beautiful - I write down how it made me feel, who it was with and everything I could remember.... in an attempt to give those memories more weight than the bad.

My Support


 

Professional Support: This is really important when you have a mental illness (or two). They are the people that can evaluate the level of treatment you need. You can hash out some of the darker details and they will help you make decision in a crisis. Navigating a mental illnesses without professional support (therapist, psychiatrist, nutritionist, family doctor etc.) is a dangerous game. I've had a lot of professional support (thankfully) in different settings -- and sometimes it's really hard to keep going... but it's essential for my recovery.

Personal Support: It is impossible to survive without personal support. This can take the form of family, friends, roommates, neighbors, church family, support group, coworkers, classmates, hall mates, bible study members, teammates, and the like -- the truth of the matter is every single person on the earth has experienced something.... it may not be the same thing but it's been something -- and the support I've gotten from those cheering me on, relating to me, and allowing me to cry on their shoulder or scream in their pillow has been invaluable.

Knowing my Triggers

Becoming aware of my triggers has been a HUGE part of my recovery. This helps me to know when I need to pack in some extra support in my day, when I need to avoid certain situations for the time being, and also how I can keep moving forward in recovery!

Some of my personal triggers include:

• certain places
• certain stressful things (ie big test or project, big family function, big changes)
• physical illness
• lack of sleep
• lot's of 'body/fat' talk
• and a few others...

Figuring out my triggers felt like it took forever (in large part because I was not looking hard within myself for them). But figuring them out was just half the battle.... the other half has been and still is and will still be a work in progress....

I'm learning to live with these triggers, and pad them with enough support so that they don't send me into a crisis. I'm learning coping skills and trying to come up with "plans" for each of them. For example: I have a plan if I'm in a situation where people are talking about bodies and fat too much...

It's not perfect - recovery is not perfect -- but I'm getting better at it..... slowly! :)

Boundaries

Whenever a therapist would say this word, I would cringe -- but the truth is these things are essential to my recovery. (I wrote a poem about them as well). For me though, I needed boundaries beyond those between me and other people. I needed to create boundaries between me and my emotions, me and my school work, me and the organizations I'm becoming involved in. Much of the reason for this is because I so often would dive into a relationship, a role, a class, an emotion in an attempt to avoid the hard parts of recovery (it is hard work). I write my boundaries down in my recovery notebook -- it makes it more concrete for me. I'll list some of them below to give you some examples!

1. Recovery/Treatment comes first -- if I cannot meet my 'non-negotiable(s)' for a week or so then I need to pair back on my involvement with other things.

2. I only share what I want to share about myself, and I work to respect what they may or may not want to know.

3. If one thing is dominating too much of my time and energy to the point it is affecting my health/relationships I usually talk to my treatment team about it and work on a solution.

I have some others based on my personal struggles and personality traits -- and the list morphs overtime depending what I'm experiencing at the time. It is really helpful for me, so that I know what is healthy. I feel like for so long I just didn't even know what was healthy and what was not anymore.

My current therapist helped me to develop a "toolbox" This is basically a list of things to do when I need to pad my day with extra support or comfort or even distraction. It is helpful that is it pre-made because I am not always in the best state of mind when it comes time for me to use it. I keep this list in my recovery book, so I always have it.... sometimes I have to go through several of the things before I feel okay again, but it really helps a lot:)

My Toolbox

* Read the Bible

* Take a walk

* Draw a picture

* Take a nap

* Listen to music

* Journal

* Read my favorite book

* Watch my favorite movie

* Pray

* Paint my nails

* Light candles

* Watch my favorite TV show

* Watch a funny TV show

* Write someone a letter

* Take a HOT bath

* Go swimming!

* Call a friend or someone on my support network

* Do an art project

* Go for a hike

* Play with children

* Go to an exercise class

* Do a Bible Study

* Color

* Look at my scrapbook

* Read my card collection

* Dance Party at my house

* Review my affirmations 

* Make plans

* Clean

* Go through my DBT skills

* Write Poetry

* Help someone with something

* Homework

* Read My Utmost for His Highest 


 



Personal Protected Days: PPDs
This is a day to yourself to do what you want to do. You can do whatever you want, anything that will make you happy or feel good or whole -- and it is planned, so no one can take it! I am so used to scheduling everything so I have no time to just do what I want or need to do to take care of me... this helps me to make sure I do that. Sometimes when a 'day' seems impossible I switch it to PPT - personal protected time.... times just for me!

We are ALL different. When it comes to what helps one person -- that could be different for another person battling the very same thing. As one of my wonderful treatment providers says (in regards to skills and tools) -- Take what is helpful to you and leave the rest.


 

When in doubt....