No one is average.....

Average

By: Erin 

As a little one my teachers said I was an average child

I guess they judged me by the way my clothes always had patterns that were wild

School was not my favorite thing to do

No, apparently I’d rather play, or talk and get to know you

But later in my kid years I grew to be afraid of that word

Average, mediocre, common, or third

For I knew in my heart there was something special inside me

And it was something I wanted others to see

So I showed off to all that I could

Studied more than I should

Convinced myself I had to be the best to be good

But really I misunderstood

I was never average, mediocre, or ordinary too

And my friend, the same goes for you

You have talents, gifts, quirks, and abilities unlike any other

It’s something you can do without your big brother

Some people dance, sing, or play

Others are natural at leading the way

Still others pay close attention to what must get done

And some people are great at having fun

No one is ordinary, common or average no matter how big or small

We’re each our own person, with our own talents and tastes

I think that’s better all in all

Taking Back Control.....

Control

By: Erin Casey

“I AM NOT HUNGRY”

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Mom

I know I’m hurting you

I know you are frustrated

I’m sorry

I am not hungry

Food makes me feel dirty

Food makes me feel ugly

Food makes me feel gross

Food is not appealing

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Dad

I know you are tired of this

I know you are worried for me

I’m sorry

I am not hungry

Food makes me feel unworthy

Food makes me feel like a failure

Food makes me feel shame

Food is not appealing

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Sisters and Brother

I know you are sad about this

I know you pretend it’s OK

I’m sorry

I am not hungry

Food: each bite makes me angry

Food: each swallow makes me anxious

Food: each meal makes me fill with self hatred

Food is not appealing

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Friends

I know I am no fun like this

I know you there is so much tension around

I’m sorry

I am not hungry

Food feels like poison

Food feels wrong to push down

Food is foreign in my body

Food is not appealing

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Treatment Team

I know you want me to succeed

I know you work hard for me

I’m sorry

I am not hungry

Food feels impossible to conquer

Food is the enemy in my life

Food is evil in and of itself

Food is not appealing

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Erin

I know you want to get better

I know you deserve recovery

I’m sorry

 I’m not hungry

For a million reasons

Give me a second and I will give you a reason

To restrict

To purge

To harm myself because….

“Food is not appealing”

ERIN SAYS:

I’m sorry ED

I know you want to hurt me

I know you want to control me

I know you want to take my life from me

Too Bad

I’m sorry – actually I am NOT sorry

Food may not be appealing but

I am hungry

Up the Mountain....................

The Climb

By: Erin 

I meet people who have walked where I have walked

I meet people who have experienced similar things as me

I meet people with common issues, struggles and strife

I hear their stories and I get scared

I know how hard this journey is

I know how tough the days can be

I know how unfair it can seem

But I will not hear the disappointments of others, frustrations, and trials

And assume that will be me

Because while I cannot control everything

Because while I cannot predict today or tomorrow

Because while I have these struggles and concerns

I cannot convince myself that my fate will be blue

I will face my own problems to come

They will be more difficult, different and discouraging than some

But half the battle is the attitude in which we face our trials

Whether we stay put – or walk one hundred more miles

I admit I am scared these illnesses will make me incapable to do my life well

But allowing myself to stay in that fear is my own personal Hell

I must keep moving forward one step at a time

Because this is a mountain that I and others must climb

And if we don’t believe in ourselves, by thinking “Yes, I think I can”

We will have failed before we began

I have so much faith in my friends, other travelers on this mountain quest

When you’re tired – stop on a rock, enjoy the view and take a rest

And think to yourself “look how far I have come – I am so blessed.”