I don't like to feel..

Feeling to Thought

By: Erin

I don’t want to feel so I think instead

The feeling of sadness turns into the thought

“I want to be dead”

But this trend is not healthy, no it’s not

That much can be said

But I don’t know what to do

The feeling of fear turns into the thought

“I am not good enough”

But this idea does not match up, no it does not

And that thought is quite quite rough

And I don’t know what to do

The feeling of shame turns into the thought

“Erin, you are the one to blame”

But this is not the blame game, no it is not

And blame does nothing but frame and maim

So I don’t know what to do

But I heard something today in group and I think it’s true

We’re going to figure this out – this feeling stuff

And it’s going to be hard, scary and rough

But we’re not alone because we’re in the same boat

Riding our emotional waves – working to stay afloat

It’s supposed to get easier, that’s what they say

And as much as I don’t want to, I believe them today

These providers that work with me hard to recover

Continually lead me in the right path – that much I did discover

 

Where I Stand... for life.

Where I Stand

By: Erin

So far in the course of my life

I have stood for many things

These things have often caused me harm and strife

Hurt too, terrible pain, and those harmful things that always sting

My mind would always say:

I should

I would

I could

The truth is….

This is where I stood:

On a mountain of shame and guilt

That I myself built

In an ocean of depression and doubt

Where I stayed silent then acted out

Below a cloud of anger and fear

Words of comfort and hope I could never hear

But today that has begun to slowly change

One foot in front of the other

I move from that dark place to brighter other

That is where I stood

This is where I stand

Here with you

Struggling my way through

Making the decision to do what is hard but right

So that my life may reflect light

Holding on when I want to let go

Knowing it’s okay if I go slow

Walking with others who choose to fight for light too

For what seems impossible for one is possible for a few

So this is where I stand

Fighting my own darkness

Fighting for light

And from where I stand you must know

We’ll be alright

This is where I stand

You choose where you want to be

My hope is that you will see

When it comes to mental illness, strain and strife

The only choice is to stand for life