Scared of everything

Scared

By: Erin 

I wear a front all day long

It says to the people around me “I am strong.”

What would you do if I told you

I’m scared all the way through

Heart pounding

Palms sweating

Heavy breathing

Stomach churning

I am scared.

I am scared I will not live up

I am scared you will not like me close up

I am scared I will lose you in my life

I am scared right around the corner is strife

I am scared my demons will return

I am scared my life will upturn

I am scared.

I guess for me it all adds up to everything I do not understand

Or the things that go against what I have planned

But when I remember the best times I’ve been through

They were the things that happened without having a clue

So maybe I can be less scared of that might happen to me

And trust the Lord that love is key

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or the next day

But it just might take my breath away

I may be scared sometimes or anxious too

But I’m going to change my fear into excitement by altering my point-of-view

Those bad things above might happen one day

But tough things have happened, and will happen again – but I know I will be okay.

Changing Thought Patterns

Redirection

By: Erin 

I remember the day I started dancing

I was little and really we were jumping and prancing

But I also wanted to be in swimming

And do an art club too

My whole life I’ve always wanted to be better than you

It’s not that I don’t like you; I actually want to be your friend

I’m just super insecure sitting in my skin

I’m driven by this horrible dictator inside my head pushing me to win

I want to be everything and more than what is possible to be

And that way everyone will see all of that stuff instead of me

I hate admitting this it’s embarrassing and is so unattractive

But all people really see is my ability to be proactive

Which is actually destructive to my very soul

Because I’m on this quest to make myself whole

And I’m getting mixed signals and messages all the time

Like me getting less than an ‘A’ is a crime

I get that my former being was obsessed with the desire to impress

But now I am much more concerned for my health to progress

I still get in modes where I want to be the best at everything and more

Obsessed like it would actually give me a key to Heaven’s secret door

But you and I both know nothing of the sort is real

For it is before Christ we must kneel

And He is the one I must work for

For he alone loves me down to the core

I’m still tempted to try to be better than you

But most of the time I’d rather work together to get through

Life is not a competition to see who wins at the end

No it is a time to walk, do work, and spend time with you, my friend

It will all be done one day or night

When Jesus comes to end the fight

So I’m going to stop focusing on doing everything and more

But rather loving people straight down to their core

Crack, Crash, Clatter, Clang..... Our Souls do break.

Broken

By: Erin 

Crack, Crash, Clatter, Clang

Usually when things break there is a bang

Thank goodness this is not the case

Each and every time our souls did break

The days someone threw you to the ground

And kicked your stomachs, your backs, and all around

Your bodies boomed yet your souls made no sound

The drunken days your loved ones screamed

Your tears would fall and your hearts were crushed or so it seemed

Yet no one knew because there was no noise that gleamed

When assaults occur on awful nights

You tried to hide in a corner away from everyone’s sight

When you were found your lips were sealed with all of your might

Crack, Crash, Clatter, Clang

Usually when things break there is a bang

I wonder what would have happened had your souls made some sort of noise

Maybe a crack or crash, clatter or clang

Would they have stopped the hurt or the pain?

Would they even have noticed the sound at all?

Maybe it is better there is no noise

For then we all have the opportunity

To use our voice

We can each then say “Stop” and “No”

We can each then say “That hurts” and “let go”

I am just now learning it’s never too late

To learn to say these very things

Because it takes our broken souls and binds them up in healing slings

But forever remember that because there is no

Crack, crash, clatter, or clang

That someone’s soul still may have gone bang