Days like today...................

BLAH

By: Erin 

Don’t you hate that feeling?

You know the one…

I can’t really describe it fully

But it overwhelms my brain and body…

I’m talking about “Blah”

It comes on days when you need to get a lot done

And you usually end up accomplishing close to none….

You are experiencing a day of “Blah”

Everything has a tint of grey it seems

It could be nice outside but you feel dreary

You roll your eyes at others who are cheery

You are experiencing a day of “Blah”

We all have these days now and again

But it still sucks when “blah days” show up when

You have places to go and things to do

There really is no time for feeling blue

So here is my remedy – something I’m working on doing

Spending time on myself, caring and renewing

For me this is a hot bath, candles and good songs too

Sometimes an art project with lots of glue!

For others they like a nice bowl of soup or their favorite ice cream

Some people I know just take a nice nap and float away in a dream

I know others that work out to let off some anxiety

Quite honestly with self-care there is a lot of variety

Healthy coping for the days we don’t feel our best

Will keep us from becoming incredibly-too-much-scarily stressed

So the next time you have a “blah” day or few

Take a break to do something healthy for you

This break is important, crucial and essential to life

For it will save you from some mental anguish and strife

Today is NOT fair.... again

Today it is not fair

By: Erin 

It’s not fair my life is not my own

Or that it feels that way sometimes

If I want to wake up I take a pill

If I want to go to sleep I take a pill

If I want to keep food down I take more pills

If I want to prevent mania there is a pill for that too

In order to keep from killing myself I swallow yet another pill

It’s so frustrating to be surrounded by people who think that you’re “interesting”

Simply because you have a diagnosis (or two)

It’s not fair my life is not my own

Or that it feels that way sometimes

If I want to stay sane I must sleep 9 hours no more, no less

If I want to keep adjusted I must work hard to stay present, not past, not future

If I want to focus in class I must calm my racing thoughts.. 1, 2, 3,

If I want to have stable relationships I have to filter what I say, share and disclose about myself

If I want to succeed I have to do all of the above, and everything else too

It’s hard to choose to function, when you know it would be easier not to

It’s hard to choose to swallow the pills when the routine becomes mundane, and you feel

bitterness towards them

it is hard to sleep the right amount, stay present, calm my thoughts, and have stable relationships when all I want to do is relax in my own life, throw caution to the wind

…..be reckless for a moment

It gets tiring following a million rules either written on bottles

On paper as part of a treatment plan

Or even those in your mind that you know to be helpful and correct

So today, I say it’s not fair

Today, I am upset, angry, frustrated, and tired

And that’s OK but --

 I’m glad, I’ve been around long enough to know….

Tomorrow will be better.

Walking in the shoes....

Understand

By: Erin 

To understand an Eating Disorder

It is more than you will ever read in a book

It is more than you can ever understand from a look

It is more than you can even grasp through spoken word

No matter how often or how loud it is heard

To understand this illness, disease, addiction and obsession

You must first know, relate to, feel and touch the underlying pain and depression

To understand the control, perfection, and deep self-dissatisfaction

Your brain must distort the general principles of attraction

Beauty is everywhere

Except in the mirror as I stare

I will disappear, control what I can, chase perfection with all that is in me

In the hope that when looking in the mirror it is no longer I that I see

To know an eating disorder, what it means, and how it feels

You have to be one of the sufferers; one of the people who deals

To understand its implications and major affects

You have to be the ones with whom the sufferer lives with and connects

No book will tell you of the true pain in my soul

Or how desperate my attempt was to be in control

No movie will teach you the damage I did

As I checked out of life and constantly hid

No testimony can explain to you how hard it is to get your life back

Searching and seeking to get your life on the right track

It is more complicated than anyone could possibly fully understand

Unless an eating disorder took over your life unplanned

Everyone has their story and struggles too

Though not the same, equally troublesome and true

But please don’t act like you understand this horrible disease

Because you’ve read books, seen movies, or taken classes with ease

If you want to be a therapist, doctor or some other treatment provider

Do an internship working with the people who suffer to make your eyes wider

And whatever you do or say to someone who is in the midst of dealing

If you don’t get it; don’t you dare say “I know how you’re feeling.”