Itching for Control
By: Erin
Itching
Seems a good word to describe my current feeling
More and more control would be the most appealing
I can feel it by way of my thoughts
I can feel it by way of temptations too
I can feel it by urges pulsing through
I know people see this inside of me and think
“She’s annoying, anal, and strange or needs a drink…”
I wish I could make it go away
For I know it sometimes prevents me from the healthy way
The itching is intense from time to time and day to day
And manifests itself in different ways
It is almost painful the need to feel like something is within my control
As though feeling in control will make me feel 'complete' and 'whole'
I don’t want this to be my fate for the rest of my days
And I know I can continue to change my ways
But it is super hard with all of this itching and pain
Especially when “Just control this and all will be good” sits in my brain
I guess it is another fight
I’m sure a deeper issue I’ve avoided with my might
And awareness sheds light
So maybe there can be an end to this loooonnngggg night
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