What Happened Tonight.

I chose darkness tonight

By: Erin

Remember being little and picturing the little people on your shoulders?

One representing good and one representing evil?

That concept never really stops being true, even as we grow older

Tonight I made a choice to gratify the dark sitting on my shoulder

Like so many other times the darkness felt as heavy as a boulder

Weighing heavy in my heart and heavy in my mind

Convincing me that darkness was the way I was defined

Paralyzed by my own emotions, past, fear, shortcomings, and trauma

I laid in bed, silently crying wanting to held by my mamma

Not knowing when this would stop, ease up or break the pain

I felt like I was burning inside and going insane

I had thoughts I did not want

Memories that continued to haunt

Temptations that kept running through my brain fast

By my own self I felt harassed

Sitting alone unsure of what to do

I made the decision to take my pain and cut my skin through

I feel shame, guilt, and embarrassment too

Because light is what I want to pursue

The darkness within me jumped for joy

As though everything had worked, their secret ploy

And I delved deeper into myself as the tears began to fall

Then made the choice to use my voice to tell my roommate it all

Worry walked across her face

Nervous energy and fear filled this place

She loved on me and hugged on me

"Its ok, but let me check it, I need to see"

I hesitantly showed my hips one of which said “No”

I was embarrassed for her to see, and for me to show

But having her know reminded me this is smaller than who I am

I am stronger than the darkness’ great scam

For as a daughter of light I seek after goodness and joy

Laughter, perseverance, and love are things I employ

As tonight proves I will not be perfect as I walk this journey and trail

But until I give up and turn back, there is no way I can fail

Tonight I chose something dark

And on my skin I left a mark

But I am not defined by that moment of pain

Or the terrible thoughts in my brain

Right now I choose light

By getting rid of my shame, my embarrassment and fear

And share with you what happened during this particular fight

For I can never undo what I did tonight

But when there is darkness, light is always near