Sometimes this feels too hard.

Do I have to?

By: Erin

I don’t want to follow the plan

Right now part of me wishes it never began

I’m tired of it all

I’m angry too

If you had all this stuff

I bet this would be you

Today I walked around glancing at my figure

In every window

In every mirror

In every shadow

I could find

None ever pleasing my mind

And also at this point wishing I was blind

I felt ruled by what I saw

Yet was not allowing myself to follow my eating disorder’s law

So instead I wanted to cry

Or just scream WHY WHY WHY

Why do I have to keep with this fight

With the obsession with my weight and my height

It’s hard and it hurts terribly so

It seems like sometimes this process is terribly slow

But tonight I will choose to continue to trust this process and day

For I know that when it comes to my eating disorder

Recovery is the much better way

It’s just hard and tiring and I need to cry

Scream the word why why why

And get mad – but at my eating disorder I guess

Not my body parts like my stomach or thighs