Taking Back Control.....

Control

By: Erin Casey

“I AM NOT HUNGRY”

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Mom

I know I’m hurting you

I know you are frustrated

I’m sorry

I am not hungry

Food makes me feel dirty

Food makes me feel ugly

Food makes me feel gross

Food is not appealing

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Dad

I know you are tired of this

I know you are worried for me

I’m sorry

I am not hungry

Food makes me feel unworthy

Food makes me feel like a failure

Food makes me feel shame

Food is not appealing

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Sisters and Brother

I know you are sad about this

I know you pretend it’s OK

I’m sorry

I am not hungry

Food: each bite makes me angry

Food: each swallow makes me anxious

Food: each meal makes me fill with self hatred

Food is not appealing

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Friends

I know I am no fun like this

I know you there is so much tension around

I’m sorry

I am not hungry

Food feels like poison

Food feels wrong to push down

Food is foreign in my body

Food is not appealing

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Treatment Team

I know you want me to succeed

I know you work hard for me

I’m sorry

I am not hungry

Food feels impossible to conquer

Food is the enemy in my life

Food is evil in and of itself

Food is not appealing

ED SAYS:

I’m sorry Erin

I know you want to get better

I know you deserve recovery

I’m sorry

 I’m not hungry

For a million reasons

Give me a second and I will give you a reason

To restrict

To purge

To harm myself because….

“Food is not appealing”

ERIN SAYS:

I’m sorry ED

I know you want to hurt me

I know you want to control me

I know you want to take my life from me

Too Bad

I’m sorry – actually I am NOT sorry

Food may not be appealing but

I am hungry